Grief and Loss

Grief has a way of showing up when we least expect it—as we are going about the work of the day, during a song on the radio, or in the quiet moments before sleep. Maybe you’re navigating the death of someone you loved, or perhaps you’re grieving a different kind of loss that others don’t quite understand. Whatever you’re facing, your grief is real, and it matters.

I understand that grief isn’t something to “get over” or move past on a predetermined timeline. It’s a deeply personal journey that deserves compassion, patience, and support. You don’t have to grieve alone, and there’s no “right way” to do this. Together, we can create space for your grief while helping you find your way forward.

Understanding Grief and Loss

When we think about grief, most of us picture the profound sadness that follows the death of a loved one. And while that’s certainly one of the most significant losses we can experience, grief actually encompasses so much more. Grief is the natural response to any loss—the transition from having someone or something in your life to not having them, or having them less than before.

You might be grieving:

  • The death of a loved one—whether expected or sudden, recent or long ago
  • The loss of a relationship through divorce, separation, or estrangement
  • A friendship that ended or changed significantly
  • The death of a beloved pet who was part of your family
  • A miscarriage, stillbirth, or the inability to have children
  • Your health, independence, or physical abilities due to illness or injury
  • A job, career, or professional identity
  • Your home, community, or sense of belonging
  • A dream, expectation, or the future you had imagined
  • Your faith, beliefs, or sense of meaning
  • Parts of yourself or your identity through life transitions

Research shows that grief is one of the most universal human experiences, yet it remains deeply individual. Studies indicate that approximately 10–20% of bereaved individuals experience prolonged or complicated grief that significantly impacts their daily functioning,1 but even “uncomplicated” grief can feel overwhelming and isolating.

The Many Faces of Grief

Grief doesn’t follow a neat, linear path. You might have heard about the “five stages of grief”—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—but the reality is that grief is far more complex and individual than any stage model suggests. You might experience these feelings in any order, cycle back through them, or feel several at once. You might also experience emotions and reactions that aren’t on that list at all.

Grief can show up as:

  • Emotional responses: Sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, relief, numbness, yearning, or even moments of joy and laughter
  • Physical symptoms: Fatigue, changes in appetite or sleep, tightness in your chest or throat, headaches, or feeling physically heavy
  • Cognitive effects: Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, confusion, intrusive thoughts, or questioning your beliefs
  • Behavioral changes: Withdrawing from others, seeking connection, avoiding reminders of the loss, or holding onto everything that reminds you of what you’ve lost
  • Spiritual struggles: Questioning your faith, feeling angry at God, or searching for meaning in your loss

Here’s what’s important to know: however you’re grieving is valid. There’s no timeline you should be following, no “right way” to feel, and no point at which you should be “over it.” Grief is not a problem to be solved—it’s a natural response to loss that deserves to be honored and supported.

Understanding Secondary Losses

When you experience a significant loss, it rarely comes alone. Secondary losses are the additional things you lose as a result of the primary loss, and they often go unrecognized by others—and sometimes even by yourself.

For example, if your spouse dies, you’re not just grieving the person. You might also be grieving:

  • Your identity as a married person or partner
  • The future you had planned together
  • Your financial security or living situation
  • Your social connections and couple friendships
  • Your sense of safety and stability
  • The daily routines and rituals you shared
  • Your role as a caregiver (if they were ill)

Similarly, if you lose your job, you might grieve not just the employment itself, but your professional identity, daily structure, sense of purpose, financial security, and workplace relationships. If you experience a miscarriage, you’re grieving not just the pregnancy, but the baby you imagined, the future you envisioned, and perhaps your sense of your body as trustworthy.

Recognizing and honoring these secondary losses is an important part of the grieving process. In therapy, we create space for all of your losses—not just the ones that others can see or understand.

Types of Grief I Can Help You Navigate

Grief comes in many forms, and understanding the type of grief you’re experiencing can help you feel less alone and more understood. Here are some of the different types of grief I work with:

Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief is the grief you feel before a loss actually occurs. If someone you love has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, if a relationship is ending, or if you’re facing an inevitable change, you might find yourself grieving even though the loss hasn’t happened yet. This can feel confusing—you might wonder if you’re “giving up” or being disloyal by grieving in advance. But anticipatory grief is a natural response to impending loss, and it doesn’t diminish the grief you’ll feel after the loss occurs. It’s your heart’s way of beginning to process something difficult while you still have time.

Ambiguous Grief

Ambiguous grief occurs when the circumstances of your loss are unclear or when someone is physically present but psychologically absent (or vice versa). You might experience this if a loved one has dementia or Alzheimer’s and no longer recognizes you, if someone is missing or their whereabouts are unknown, if a family member is incarcerated, or if someone you love is struggling with addiction or mental illness. You’re grieving someone who is still alive, which can feel confusing and isolating. Others might not understand your grief because there hasn’t been a death, but your loss is real and deserves to be acknowledged.

Disenfranchised Grief

Disenfranchised grief is grief that isn’t openly acknowledged, socially validated, or publicly mourned. This might happen if your relationship to the deceased wasn’t recognized by others (like an ex-partner, a biological parent you never met, or a same-sex partner in an unsupportive community), if the loss itself carries stigma (like death by suicide or overdose), or if the loss isn’t seen as significant by society (like a miscarriage, the death of a pet, or the loss of a job). When your grief is disenfranchised, you might feel like you don’t have “permission” to grieve, which can make the experience even more painful and isolating.

Traumatic Grief

Traumatic grief occurs when a loss is also a trauma. This might happen if your loved one died suddenly or violently (through suicide, homicide, accident, or medical crisis), if you witnessed the death or discovered the body, or if the circumstances surrounding the loss were traumatic. When grief and trauma intersect, you might experience symptoms of both—intrusive memories or flashbacks of the death, intense anxiety or hypervigilance, difficulty processing the loss, and a sense of being stuck. Traumatic grief often requires specialized treatment approaches that address both the trauma and the grief.2

Complicated Grief

Complicated grief (also called prolonged grief disorder) is grief that is particularly intense, long-lasting, and interferes significantly with your ability to function in daily life. While all grief is difficult, complicated grief doesn’t seem to soften over time the way other grief does. You might feel stuck in intense yearning or preoccupation with the loss, have difficulty accepting the death, feel that life is meaningless without the person, or struggle to re-engage with life. Complicated grief affects approximately 7–10% of bereaved individuals3 and often benefits from specialized therapeutic intervention. It’s not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign that you need additional support to navigate an especially difficult loss.

It’s also important to know that you might experience more than one type of grief at the same time. For example, if your parent has dementia, you might experience both anticipatory grief and ambiguous grief. If your ex-partner dies by suicide, you might experience both disenfranchised grief and traumatic grief. Every person’s grief is unique, and in therapy, we’ll work together to understand and honor your specific experience.

How Grief Therapy Can Help

You might be wondering whether you “need” therapy for grief. After all, grief is a natural process, not a mental illness. But here’s the thing: just because grief is natural doesn’t mean you have to navigate it alone. Therapy can provide support, tools, and perspective during one of life’s most difficult experiences.

In grief therapy at Stone Counseling, we work together to:

  • Create a safe space for your grief. In our sessions, you can express all of your feelings—even the ones that feel “wrong” or that you can’t share with others. There’s no judgment here, only compassion and understanding.
  • Honor your unique grieving process. We won’t try to rush you through stages or push you to “move on.” Instead, we’ll follow your pace and honor what you need.
  • Process traumatic aspects of loss. If your loss was traumatic, we can use specialized approaches like EMDR therapy to help you process difficult memories and reduce their emotional intensity.
  • Navigate complicated emotions. Grief often brings up feelings like guilt, anger, or relief that can feel confusing or shameful. We’ll explore these emotions with curiosity and compassion.
  • Address secondary losses. We’ll acknowledge and grieve not just the primary loss, but all the ripple effects it has created in your life.
  • Find ways to maintain connection. Grief doesn’t mean forgetting or “letting go.” We’ll explore meaningful ways to maintain connection with what or who you’ve lost while also moving forward.
  • Rebuild meaning and purpose. Loss can shake your sense of meaning, identity, and purpose. Together, we’ll work toward integrating your loss into your life story and finding your way forward.

My Approach to Grief Therapy

My approach to grief therapy is grounded in both evidence-based practices and deep respect for the individual nature of grief. I draw from several therapeutic approaches, tailoring our work together to your specific needs:

Meaning-Centered Grief Therapy

This approach, developed by grief researcher Robert Neimeyer, focuses on helping you make meaning of your loss and reconstruct your sense of identity and purpose. Rather than trying to “get over” your grief, we work on integrating the loss into your life story in a way that honors both your pain and your resilience.4,5

EMDR for Traumatic Grief

When grief is complicated by trauma, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can be particularly helpful. As an EMDRIA-certified therapist, I use EMDR to help you process traumatic memories related to the loss—whether that’s the moment you learned of the death, the circumstances of the loss, or other distressing memories. EMDR can help reduce the intensity of these memories so they feel less overwhelming.

Attachment-Based Approaches

Loss disrupts our attachment bonds, and grief is fundamentally about the pain of separation from someone or something we were attached to. We’ll explore your attachment to what you’ve lost and find ways to maintain a continuing bond while also adapting to life without their physical presence.

Narrative Therapy

Your relationship with the person or thing you’ve lost doesn’t end with the loss—it continues and evolves. Through narrative approaches, we’ll explore the story of your relationship, honor what it meant to you, and find ways to carry it forward.

You Don’t Have to Grieve Alone

Whether your loss is recent or happened years ago, whether others understand your grief or not, you deserve support. When you’re ready, I’m here to walk alongside you with compassion, expertise, and hope.

Call or text: (832)381-8532

Location: 25511 Budde Road, Suite 2802, The Woodlands, TX 77380

Serving the following areas: The Woodlands, Spring, Conroe, Tomball, and surrounding Montgomery County communities.

What to Expect in Grief Therapy

Starting therapy during a time of grief takes courage, and you might have questions about what to expect. Here’s what our work together might look like:

In your first session, we’ll talk about your loss and what brings you to therapy. You can share as much or as little as you’re comfortable with. I’ll ask about your relationship with what or who you’ve lost, how you’ve been coping, and what kind of support you’re hoping for. There’s no pressure to have it all figured out—we’ll discover what you need together.

In ongoing sessions, we’ll create space for whatever you’re experiencing. Some days you might need to talk about memories and tell stories. Other days you might need to sit with difficult emotions or work through practical challenges. We might use specific therapeutic techniques, or we might simply be present with your grief. The pace and focus will always be guided by what you need.

Throughout our work together, you’ll remain in control. You decide what to share, what to work on, and how quickly to move. Grief can’t be rushed, and I won’t try to push you toward any particular outcome. My role is to provide a safe, compassionate space where your grief can unfold naturally while offering tools and support along the way.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long should grief last?

There’s no timeline for grief. While the intensity of grief often softens over time, there’s no point at which you should be “done” grieving. Some people find that acute grief begins to ease after several months, while others experience intense grief for much longer—and both are normal. What matters isn’t how long you grieve, but whether your grief is allowing you to live the life you want to live. If grief is significantly interfering with your daily functioning for an extended period, or if you feel stuck, therapy can help.

Is it normal to feel relief or even happiness after a loss?

Absolutely. Grief is not just sadness—it’s a complex mix of emotions that can include relief (especially if someone suffered or if a relationship was difficult), gratitude for the time you had, moments of joy when remembering good times, and even happiness in your current life. These feelings don’t mean you didn’t love the person or that you’re not grieving “properly.” They’re a natural part of the grieving process and a sign that you’re a complex human being with a full range of emotions.

I lost someone years ago, but I’m still struggling. Is it too late for grief therapy?

It’s never too late. Grief doesn’t have an expiration date, and sometimes losses from years ago continue to affect us in ways we don’t fully recognize. You might have never had the chance to properly grieve, or new life circumstances might be bringing up old grief. Therapy can be helpful whether your loss was recent or decades ago.

Will therapy make me feel worse before I feel better?

Grief therapy isn’t about forcing you to feel more pain—it’s about creating a safe space where you can process your grief at your own pace. Some people do find that therapy brings up emotions they’ve been avoiding, which can feel intense. But we’ll work together to ensure you have the support and coping skills you need. The goal is never to overwhelm you, but to help you move through your grief in a way that feels manageable.

How is grief therapy different from talking to friends or family?

Friends and family can provide wonderful support, but they’re also grieving their own losses, have their own emotional reactions, and may not always know how to help. In therapy, the focus is entirely on you and your experience. I bring specialized training in grief and loss, can offer perspectives and tools that loved ones might not have, and provide a space where you don’t have to worry about burdening anyone or managing their emotions. Therapy complements—rather than replaces—the support of loved ones.

Moving Forward with Your Grief

Grief changes us. It reshapes our lives, our identities, and our understanding of the world. But it doesn’t have to define us or keep us stuck. With support, compassion, and time, it’s possible to integrate loss into your life in a way that honors both your pain and your capacity for continued growth and meaning.

Moving forward doesn’t mean leaving your loved one behind or “getting over” your loss. It means learning to carry your grief alongside your life—finding ways to maintain connection with what you’ve lost while also opening yourself to new experiences, relationships, and possibilities. It means honoring your past while also living in your present.

This journey is deeply personal, and there’s no roadmap that works for everyone. But you don’t have to figure it out alone. Together, we can create space for your grief, honor your loss, and help you find your way forward—one step at a time.

References

  1. Lundorff, M., Holmgren, H., Zachariae, R., Farver-Vestergaard, I., & O’Connor, M. (2017). Prevalence of prolonged grief disorder in adult bereavement: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Affective Disorders, 212, 138–149. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2017.01.030
  2. American Psychological Association. (2020). Traumatic grief: Diagnosis, mechanisms, and treatment. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 27(4), e12348. https://doi.org/10.1111/cpsp.12348
  3. Shear, M. K., Reynolds, C. F., Simon, N. M., Zisook, S., Wang, Y., Mauro, C., Duan, N., Lebowitz, B., & Skritskaya, N. (2016). Optimizing treatment of complicated grief: A randomized clinical trial. JAMA Psychiatry, 73(7), 685–694. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2016.0892
  4. Neimeyer, R. A. (2019). Meaning reconstruction in bereavement: Development of a research program. Death Studies, 43(2), 79–91. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2018.1456620
  5. Worden, J. W. (2018). Grief counseling and grief therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner (5th ed.). Springer Publishing Company.
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